With You Now (What It Looks Like To Heal Your Inner Child)
As I prepare to release my memoir “With You Now: An Invitation To Heal Your Inner Child,” I’ve been paying closer attention to a familiar sensation showing up in my body once again.
In the last few months, when I am still, there it is. Those moments when I slow down to rest my body and just be. What that looks like for me is getting horizontal. Usually on my couch. Before I understood the necessity of this practice for my well-being, I had an established habit of napping over many years. Unfortunately, I was a napper who felt the judgment of those who believed napping was a form of laziness. It would lead to thoughts like, “What’s wrong with me?” And then, “I don’t give a F#@% what you think, I love napping.” Though I had to battle through the guilt of being a napper, I knew intuitively that napping was good for me. In fact, I knew I was not a lazy person but chose to do something different with my time, which included restorative naps.
My naps today look much different. I am aware that stillness increases my ability to hear what is happening in my internal world. Before I drift off to sleep, or at least the space between half awake and half asleep, I pay attention to the sensations in my body. I do this through the practice of deep breathing. I then invite my body to deep rest. Guilt-free deep rest. It’s in these conscious moments, I become aware of my body in a different way. I hear my breath, notice my heartbeat, feel the pressure of the couch, observe my thoughts, and lastly, I feel. I feel sensations I am not aware of when I am in my busy, productive mode. Which is completely okay, as long as I understand that whether I am paying attention or not, “it’s” still there.
So what is “it?” “It” for me is my inner child showing up and asking for my attention. It’s a part of me that might be feeling uneasy, unsafe, or maybe confused. If the thought of having an inner child is too uncomfortable for you, you can also look at it as the Spirit inviting you into seeing. Seeing a part of you with spiritual eyes. If you stay in the stillness long enough, you can often discern what you are seeing and hearing. And this takes practice!
Before you think this practice is only done through resting on your couch, let me assure you, there are many ways you can slow down and notice what’s happening on the inside of you. (Many find journaling helpful in listening to their inner child) You will also notice times when you experience sensations of deep peace and safety in your body. Times that you feel a sense of groundedness. Moments that you KNOW you are okay.
But what do you do in those moments when the opposite is happening?
I will share a recent story of what I did when I was able to name a sensation that had been growing louder in my rest times. The sensation in my body was a heaviness on my chest. I became so curious about this sensation because I felt this heaviness on my chest at a young age. I recalled moments throughout my childhood and teen years when it would show up. The best way to describe the heaviness is the feeling of dread.
Though I don’t always invite someone into this space with me, I did this time. I texted my coach and told her what was happening for me and that it felt connected to the upcoming release of my memoir. She responded with a few questions, which allowed me to ask my inner child what she was currently believing.
“There’s something bad coming around the corner, and it’s my fault.”
I leaned in and saw her. I wanted to hear more. Tears came sliding down my cheeks and into my hair. Tears on her behalf because she often experienced trauma at the same time something good was happening. The intermingling of being seen and desired, but then, the violation. The goodness of normal childhood events, and then, the violation. The sleepover with fun and silliness, and then, the violation. The babysitter with the most awesome wooded area and playhouse, and then, the violation. Time and time again, the violation overshadowed the goodness of a care-free childhood. The connection my brain and body made was solidified in the belief that good experiences will be followed up with something bad happening. The belief my little girl developed showed up in my body as heaviness in my chest and feelings of dread.
After a few moments of seeing my inner little girl, I texted my coach and told her that I assured my little girl that if something bad would happen, she is no longer alone. I could not promise her nothing bad would happen because that is out of my control. I did, however, remind her she is not bad and did not cause the bad things that happened! My coach’s reply took me further into what my little girl needed for me to do for her in this moment:
“May she feel herself being gently and lovingly lifted off that terrible (and untrue) hook.”
As I read my coach’s words, I closed my eyes and saw her there. Dangling on a hook she did not put herself on. Even as I write that, I feel her tender words of gratitude for what I did next. In my imagination, I gently and lovingly took my little girl off that terrible and untrue hook, placing her feet on solid ground. I later blessed her with the freedom to run, play, create, and to rest in the truth that whatever comes our way after publishing our memoir, we are good, desire good, and can expect good! I held her and told her,
“You are no longer alone, I am with you now!”
If you are curious about healing your inner child, your invitation for me to help you on the healing journey will be met with deep understanding and a desire for you to experience freedom for every part of you!
