As I spent time in prayer with Jesus this morning, I was reminded of a time I couldn’t see Him too well.
The darkness I felt sought to hide His face.
When we can’t see the face of Jesus, we often assume we know how He feels…and those assumptions can be dead wrong.
In a painful season of clouded vision and by the grace of God, I kept showing up and seeking His face. I was being given an opportunity to know Him in a way I had never known Him.
With a seeking, asking and humbled heart, light eventually began to break into my darkness. That light allowed me to start seeing again. The light had always been there. However, the lies I had fallen into clouded my vision.
When light came, Jesus’s compassionate and penetrating eyes revealed a love to me I hadn’t known in my forty-two years of living.
As I kept showing up, I was aware He was looking at me.
He saw me… in all of it.
Jesus saw me in a way no human had the capacity to see me. He sees you too.
Yes, we can see others and should see others but His eyes go beyond our limited natural vision. His vision comes with accurate understanding and perfect knowledge.
He doesn’t just know the what, He knows the why.
He waited patiently for my eyes to adjust as I sought Him. In my case, it was my sin that skewed my vision. But it’s not always sin. Sometimes it’s unasked for sickness, sorrow, natural disasters and just a downright refusal to look.
Before I saw His face again in that painful season, He put others in my path to show me what He was thinking… about me….what He was like… and what He wanted from me.
One of the first brave souls was my very own daughter, Bailey. (For you Brene’ Brown fans, yes, I asked her if I could share.) 🙂
Bailey was hurt by my choices. It was her Senior year of high school when my yuck was exposed to everyone and their dog. Okay, not everyone as my gracious Pastor has reminded me on a few occasions…but it FELT like everyone.
At a time when most children are the center of attention in their families, Bailey had to move over while the attention was on her exposed mother. That thought alone put a cry in my soul for God to take me home so there were no more chances I could ever hurt her again.
For a season, it was utterly overwhelming.
But on this day, Bailey showed up. She had every right and a good reason to make it about her. She could have taken a dagger and dug deep. My mama heart was reeling over facing my beautiful daughter in the mess I was in. I knew better. So when she quietly and gently placed her hand on top of mine and spoke truth into my heart about who she knew I was, I was undone.
In fact, I am still undone and weeping as I type this. (Yes, mom, I am okay. It’s good tears.)
I will be proclaiming and preaching mercy to my death bed because mercy powerfully transforms hearts.
I’m going to throw out something that might be hard to understand or flat out rejected, but boundaries are not always the answer. Of course they can be at times and should be, but sometimes well-meaning counselors can suggest boundaries when they have no idea that God is leading a different path. And there’s mercy for that too.
Bailey was not in denial when she responded with mercy, she was surrendered. The words that came out of her mouth would have been scorned by those who love judgement. God used her to give me a glimpse of His face. The feel of her hand on mine was life to me.
Her words were words filled with faith and vision.
My life-changing journey with mercy, shame and honor began that day. It wasn’t always pretty but I kept showing up. And you need to as well.
I don’t know your story and I don’t even know who will read these words but I’m telling you, keep showing up, no matter what. Open His Word before you…ask, seek and knock. Keep doing it.
I could share story after story of the enemy’s attempt to derail my hope but I kept showing up, asking to see His face. Sometimes I would, sometimes I wouldn’t, but I was relentless. I’d get knocked down and get back up again with greater surrender.
If this is a little weird to you, I understand. We are asking to see the face of a Man in Heaven who we cannot see with our natural eyes. But we have more than natural eyes as born-again children of God. We have spiritual eyes. (Ephesians 1:18)
King David asked and wow, did he ever keep showing up.
“One thing I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple” (Psalm 27:4 ESV)
Things happen to us when we see Jesus. For the believer, we draw closer. Even the sin that sought to cloud our vision is exposed in mercy and repented over deeply. You want true change in your life? Start asking the Father to show you Jesus. David knew the power it contained.
I saw Jesus in Bailey the day we sat at a table in the food court at Northpark Mall…and I saw Him again this morning in my prayer time when I showed up.
The veil between Heaven and Earth seemed quite thin this morning.
He was so so beautiful.
I don’t know what you’re facing but I know of a Face that makes the darkness flee.
Jesus is real. He’s alive and He’s coming again to make all the wrongs right. Until then, let’s keep showing up. Perhaps we will see Him with our spiritual eyes, but even if we don’t, He’s there. He will never leave us and He’s already said, “Blessed are those who don’t see and yet believe.”