Quieting My Own Heart

For the record, I’ve never blogged two days in a row… and it’s highly unlikely I will again.

I’m on day 3 of cleaning the retreat home. (It’s a big house with lots and lots of beds and when we have group retreats, I have lots and lots of laundry….and if you didn’t know, I wash the comforters too.) 🙂

When I clean, I typically have worship music blaring from the event room…I sing, I pray and often make a cup of coffee or tea…I sit down and have my own mini-retreat. I turn off the music and listen in the silence.

It’s so quiet.

I love the quiet. It helps me in ways other things don’t.

I haven’t always loved the quiet but then again, I haven’t always loved me.

The quiet draws me inward. I hear my thoughts louder…I feel my emotions stronger… until I become still…or non-productive as some would call it.

In the quiet, my voice and my emotions yield to a greater reality than what I think, what I feel, and what I want.

It’s somewhat of a paradox as the quiet often perpetuates the very things that need hushed.

But when the hush wins out, I am able to hear better.

I’ve been practicing sitting still and quiet before God for several years now. I go into the quiet with the intention of listening and receiving. If this sounds mystical…it is.

How can we call God’s Spirit a Holy Spirit and not have mystery?

The last few days I’ve heard and witnessed some things and the only word I can come up with to describe it is the word weird.

Have you ever had a conversation or witnessed something and thought…”That’s just weird!”

You can’t put your finger directly on it but something’s off and you know it. It really does no good to sit around and start making assumptions about the weirdness, though it’s tempting.

I found a little treasure in Genesis 25:22 yesterday and it reminded of what I need to do when I encounter weird. And what I mean by weird isn’t always something someone else says or does but my own inner response to it.

Often times on the inside it sound’s like this:

“What the heck is going on here?”

“But when the infants kept on wrestling each other inside her womb, she asked herself, ‘What is this happening to me?’ So she asked the Lord for an explanation.”

Isaac’s wife Rebekah was pregnant with twins and she could feel them already fighting within her womb. (Isn’t that weird?)

Rebekah’s response to not understanding what was going on inside her was to ask the Lord.

It’s the best response. Because if I start trying to figure it out on my own, my quiet heart flies out the window.

Am I saying God’s gives us an explanation for everything? No. I’m only suggesting from experience that when we turn to God in faith, seeking His heart, our heart can rest in the weirdness going on around us and inside us.

“And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).

Rebekah believed that God existed. She drew near to Him and asked Him what was going on inside of her… and God told her. Sometimes He really does…often He does…but even when He doesn’t, it’s our seeking that we are rewarded for, not having all the answers.

It’s rare for me to ever leave a time of silence and solitude not being able to breathe deep and experience the rest Jesus died to give me in this life. (And you.) When I struggle to find that rest, I know I need to reach out for help. I know for whatever ever reason, I need to hear someone speak certain truths over my heart…and that’s okay too…

Just keep seeking…

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13).

with all your heart…



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