I still remember.
And I’m not so sure that’s a problem.
Of course there are things about our past we move on from. And maybe even forget..
or at least look at from a different perspective.
But remembering lessons about our past and how they came about can be wise and good.
Especially when we can do it in freedom…not fear…not condemnation.
I remember the years I was, or thought I was… “holding it all together.”
The years I spent believing I could make God look weak.
Maybe even ruin His reputation.
Proving that God was good and powerful was my personal mission.
You know, make Him famous.
I get it. I really do. And without sounding too trite…
God is already famous.
He’s not dead. He created everything seen and unseen and He’s not going anywhere.
He’s famous, whether we acknowledge it or not.
We don’t prove it, we celebrate it.
I see it often.
Sometimes people are weak and brave enough to confess it.
It sounds like this, mostly…
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“I’m so over it.”
Or worse, it makes no sounds at all.
Instead of sounds, it’s the birthing of secret desires.
And maybe morphs into secret behaviors.
Because IF someone knew, we think it would make everything we’ve ever said about God untrue.
Instead of having a safe place (person) to confess and get the help we need, we hide and do it alone.
Breaking it down-
We feel the pressure to hold it all together because our idea of “having it all together,” looks nice, neat and explainable.
Forgive my desire to gag right now, but honestly, I could cry…and gag.
The only thing I can explain (Well kind of, not sure how it EXACTLY works) is ..
God has held me together. He holds YOU together.
We hold nothing…
except for our babies…our loved ones…our tools…our weapons.
Colossians 1:15-18 (The Message Bible)
15-18 We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God’s original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.
“Right up to this moment…….”
Instead of trying to “hold it all together, ” how about letting it all go?
How about letting others in on the mess without fear?
Saying things like..”I need help.”
Living an authentic life glorifies God.
It comes out in the open and magnifies Him, not our “perfect” realities.
And there’s something mysterious that begins to happen when we can share our weakness, struggles and doubt with those who care; offering love, wisdom and truth.
It’s called GROWTH,
That leads to joy.
God will smile.
He likes it when we can contain both sorrow and joy in our heart at the same time.
We have to.
To not feel sorrow about the hurt and pain we and others feel is denial.
Or worst, it’s to not care.
God forbid, we don’t care.
God forbid, I don’t care.
I’m no longer afraid of making God look weak. Or ruining His reputation.
No, that would give me way too much power.
I’m more concerned when I start to think I hold this “thing” together.
Instead, I am learning to celebrate His power…to do what only He can do.
And only He can “hold it all together.”
If you happen to feel the exhaustion of trying to hold it all together…especially because you are afraid to ruin God’s reputation…Let It Go.
Find a friend, mentor, Pastor or counselor and recover from the pressure of making God famous.
He will help you, I promise.