I’ll never forget the moment these words slipped out of my mouth:
“I know I am high-risk.”
It was only a brief moment in a relatively brief conversation but I went home and cried the rest of the night.
I was heartbroken.
The reality of losing trust felt crushing. I felt marred for life. Yes, I could be forgiven, but would I ever be trusted again? I mean, I’d already been given several chances in life.
I’d mess up, repent and conveniently, we’d move.
I didn’t need to rebuild trust with people who wouldn’t see me again.
But this time was different.
When I wanted to move, God and my husband said no.
I’ll never forget driving home one day and as I was pulling in my driveway, I was bemoaning to myself that we couldn’t just make a change in location.
In that divine moment I heard my sweet Jesus say, “Kandace, the only changes being made this time are changes inside of you.”
I sensed a flicker of real hope.
Moving, hiding, running away, starting over with new people or pretending never changed me. It only delayed the inevitable that we, the children of God, must come to terms with:
Jesus is tenaciously faithful to finish the work He started in us.
Friends, if we asked Him to come and we were sincere, He doesn’t leave. He stays through all the muck and mire of our transformation.
He saw all that needed to be done when He chose us. He didn’t hesitate because we were a risk to Him. He knew we would need Him more than we understood how much we needed Him.
Our journeys are messy to the degree that we believe, trust and obey Him. And my journey is filled with needless messes, beautiful rescues and severe mercies.
We can either learn from the school of hard knocks or we can become a student of His Word and learn through taking Him at His Word.
My learning through the school of many hard knocks in life isn’t something to boast in but I can and will boast in His great love and mercy.
I can testify that no matter what path you’re on, it’s not too late to step over on the pathway of mercy and watch Him transform you from the inside out.
King David was a high risk to be used in God’s kingdom work.
He slept with another man’s wife who became pregnant and then killed the man to try and cover it up. He didn’t quite understand that God saw it all and God doesn’t ignore things like that.
David was deceived until the Prophet Nathan came to him. (Thank God for prophet types who aren’t afraid of us and aren’t motivated by our opinions of them)
David repented, feeling the sorrow of what he did and cried out for mercy.
His eyes were open and he dared to go back into God’s presence.
David ask God to heal his sick son who was born to his mistress. He believed God was good and just and even though the outcome was not what he asked for, he trusted His Shepherd.
David was a man after God’s own heart, not because of his sin obviously, but because he didn’t harden his heart in the consequences of his sin.
In David’s own words he tells us it was God’s gentleness that made him great.
“You have also given me the shield of your salvation, And your right hand upholds me; and your gentleness makes me great” (Psalm 18:35, NASB).
If David had been afraid that God was going to reject him because of his sin, he wouldn’t have come near Him.
But David knew God. He had spent years getting to know His character. People might reject him but His Father wouldn’t.
In David’s weakest moments, he didn’t trust God. And David knew he hurt the One who had taken care of him all his life.
David got back up after he repented and with a high-risk reputation, He lived for the glory of God.
Though he went on to make more bad choices, he never blamed God or anyone else. He took responsibility of his sin and crumbled under the merciful weight of God’s loving-kindness.
Sometimes the greatest returns come from taking the highest risks.
Though we are never a risk to God, we might feel like a risk to others. I’ve learned it’s not my concern to convince others to trust me but to just be a trustworthy person.
The book of Psalms is filled with words of comfort, words of understanding and words of great wisdom from King David. I’m thankful David ran into the arms of His merciful King. I’m encouraged that David didn’t run away but he stayed and asked God to do heart surgery. David might have been a high risk to those around him but he was also a man after God’s own heart.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you” (Psalm 51:11-14, ESV).