Affairs, Pain & Mercy

Well darn…

I was on my way out the door to the gym when incessant thoughts of an emerging blog would not let up.


That’s pretty much the way I write. No discipline to it.

Just random inspiration that overwhelms my mind and until it spills out, it rules.

So much for ever being a “real writer.”

Brace yourself. It might be a little chaotic-

So far, to date-(Tuesday, April 28th, 2015) I have never met a woman who is thankful they had an affair. (Maybe initially indifferent but never thankful)

No, it’s usually quite the opposite.

It’s more reflective of…

“What was I thinking?” (You weren’t…you were feeling.)

Affairs = pain. Period.

I’ve met several women over the last few years who are still dealing with the consequences of their affair.

(I’ve also met women who have never physically entered into an affair but dream about it.)

It sucks. For real.

Most women don’t go into an affair with evil intent to hurt as many people as they can, including themselves.

Affairs are an escape.

They call out to those who vulnerable…weary…given up hope…angry…deceived…AND are wonderful, loving women who deeply regret their choice to cheat.

The women I’ve met cry…a lot.

They cry for a MULTITUDE of reasons, such as:

They miss their affair partner. (It’s true for those who feel they “fell in love,” with a man who would take away the pain of their reality and provide a new life.)

They realize the pain they’ve caused to others.

The losses…for some, it’s their family, their jobs, their reputation, their ministries, their homes.

Always loses.

Never gains.

Affairs are overrated.

Yes, I know women who went on to marry their affair partner and have managed to make it work but what they are telling me is… it wasn’t worth it.

In fact, one women said these words, “Six months after I left my husband for my affair partner, I woke up in bed, looked over at my new husband and asked..

“What have I done?”

It just so happens, she married another flawed human being.

The purpose of this post is not to entice feeling sorry for a cheater.

God knows these women are not looking for sympathy.

God knows I’m not.

What I do hope to convey is..

Affairs are not what the media or misinformed people would paint them out to be.

Children suffer. Hearts are shattered. Trust is lost. Families destroyed.

And at the end of the day, those who chose this destructive path can still hope.

I’ve said it many times and I will keep saying it…God wastes nothing.

When we repent, when we desire to learn, when we make things as right as we can in the aftermath, we have hope.

Humility… to confess it, mourn over it and wait for healing.

Healing comes. Many will forgive.

Many will watch from the sidelines hoping you are restored…hoping your family pulls through it.

For those who don’t, offer grace.

Typically those who can no longer look at you are battling their own untouched shame.

To look at you and love you would feel painful.

It would mean they are telling you what you did was okay…and it would touch something to close to home for them.

But we know the truth.

We, as in those of us who turned to an affair.

We know it was not okay.. and it will never be okay.

What can be okay, though, are the women who have taken ownership and turned back to Jesus as their First Love.

Yes, these women can be okay…

I can finally say I’m okay.

In fact, I might be brave enough to say, I’m better than okay…

I’m thriving.

Because of grace, I’m enjoying the hard work of working on my marriage, serving my family and drinking in the joy of restoration.

There is not one day that goes by that I am not deeply grateful for mercy.

Thank you to those who have given it to me and to others.

We admire you.





1 Comment

  1. b

    You are amazing, brave, strong, flawed, human, loved, admired and severe. I am proud of you.


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