Several years ago I was invited to a conference in Dallas, Texas called the Esther Call.
I didn’t want to go.
I was already living in the aftermath of a horrible choice I had made and had no desire to be with a crowd of people.
The conference focus was on abortion.
When I was fifteen I had an abortion.
Just a few years earlier, in my late 30’s, God met me in my dining room to bring His tangible mercy through my dad.
As I was walking to one room to the next I was instantly overcome with fear. The thought in my head went something like this: “You are a murderer.”
It was so clear and loud, I immediately knew it was about my abortion. For a few minutes I lost my grasp on the fact that I had repented and received God’s forgiveness…in my head.
I began to cry and became disoriented about the love I knew God had for me..
The thought of killing my baby and deserving hell seemed fair.
As fast as the accusation came, I sensed the Lord saying, “Call your dad and confess… and what he says is what I say.”
I called my dad quickly, struggling to get my confession out. Through sobs and deep sorrow I told him what I had done and then listened to his response as if my life depended on it…
“Kandace, I already knew… I’ve already forgiven you… and there is nothing you could do that would change my love for you.”
It was sealed. I heard God…through my dad.
My heart opened up and mercy and grace poured in.
I was forgiven. And I knew it. Deep within my heart.
So, the idea of going to a conference focused on abortion seemed irrelevant to me at a time when I was too consumed with myself to care about others.
But God had a different plan.
My husband insisted I go…to get a break.
I went…still in mourning…still grieving and still in a deep battle over my identity.
The first day was brutal. And I don’t remember much.
However, on the last day, I witnessed something that left an impact me…a huge one
It started with a group of about twenty men who walked up on stage and got in a line.
The first one took the mic and began sharing his abortion story and how he had persuaded his girlfriend to abort their baby…through tears, he asked for forgiveness and repented to all the women there.
Then the next guy and the next….each one sharing their story through tears with a heart of repentance.
They all took ownership of being part of a decision they now regretted.
What happened next is almost indescribable.
It started with a few quiet sobs and grew more intense as each man shared.
By the time the last man shared, there were multitudes of women and men on their faces weeping before God for healing. It was surreal. The pain, the sorrow, the regret…
Tears still come to my eyes when I reflect on what God did that day with a few humble men and hundreds of women who needed their own healing.
It was life-changing.
So life changing that it has humbled me and given me courage to repent to women who have been hurt by other women who have betrayed them. Women who may never say they are sorry and repent for the pain they’ve caused.
See, most of the women who came to this conference, who mourned over their abortion, knew they would never hear from the man who encouraged them to abort that they were sorry. They were trying to move on and forgive themselves. So to hear other men speak of their regret and sorrow for the part they played in an abortion ushered in another level of healing for these women.
It was beautiful.
Not everyone mourns over an abortion. That’s not the point of this. The point is, there are many who do and that deep sorrow is real and needs healing.
God not only forgives the choices we come to regret, but He heals the wounds those choices bring about.
I’m thankful my husband insisted I go to the Esther Call.
He knew what I needed more than I did.
He usually does.